He didn’t have an accident, he wasn’t sick, he didn’t die. I lost him to anger, resentment, and hate that replaced the love he once had for me and my brother.
He divorced not only his wife but his children too.
I didn’t even know it, but I didn’t feel worthy most of my life. I’ll be 49 this month and even though I’m incredibly blessed to finally know that I am absolutely worthy … just by BEING. And yet, I haven’t been able to heal this particular pain yet. The hollow feeling has been showing up every year on Father’s day and even if I try to focus on the positives - Andy, my husband is a doting father not only to his daughter who has him wrapped around both pinkies but to our four cats who equally have him wrapped around their paws - it still makes me feel numb. I crave chocolate and sweets to make me feel better but in the end, I feel worse.
At least - I am now able to observe what’s happening and instead of judgment, I can be compassionate with myself.
We ALL experienced a version of this kind of hurt in our lives. For some, the story may be heartbreakingly brutal, for others, a socially accepted ‘let the baby cry herself to sleep’ parenting method can have long-lasting effects. When emotional needs aren’t met, we start to make meaning believing that there’s something wrong with us because if we were better, faster, stronger, more beautiful etc, then this would have never happened. Of course none of this is happening on a conscious level of mind.
So what does that have to do with clothing consumption and fashion?
If we live in this subconscious idea that somehow we aren’t good enough, then we’ll constantly be looking for a ‘fix’ or external acknowledgment. This could show up through food, exercise, sex, alcohol, shopping… can you see the trend here?
Retail therapy is real. Clothing is amazing in shifting energy quickly. For some of us, clothing is an outlet to make ourselves feel better. Who hasn’t had the experience of putting something on and feeling like a whole new person?
For a while at least.
It’s like eating a whole bar of chocolate. Great in the moment but afterwards you feel sick.
If we need that ‘fix’ often, we may not want to spend that much money on clothes.
We might need to be known as being at the forefront of the newest trend in order to feel worthy: fast fashion is the answer.
We might not allow ourselves to buy what we really like because that’s too expensive, too superficial, too prissy.... So we buy something that’s good enough instead.
Does that resonate with you at all?
If it does, I'd like to invite you