Several years ago I started having a word for the year, on top of an endless list of goals. For at least three years I had the word "Balance" which felt like the carrot on a stick always dangling in front of me, somedays I got pretty close but overall completely out of reach. Now I realize it was still a goal, not an intention. For 2019 the word 'connection' came up. 2018 had been a really, really tough year, you remember when Leona, 10 years old back then, got inexplicably sick, bedridden really, and for many, many months nobody had any idea what was going on. I can say that I experienced dark nights of the soul that year. I felt completely disconnected from others, the work-life I had worked so hard to achieve was shattered and my sense of self, my ego was in pieces. Originally I intended to re-connect with others, what I received that year though was a sense of connection to my self that was beyond what I had ever experienced. I am going to share that crazy story and all that unfolded since then soon. What I know now is that a break down is actually clearing the slate for something new, and when you lean into that, when you get curious, when you believe that whatever is happening is happening for you, not to you, then you are already on the way to manifest the life of your dreams. If you had breakdowns, losses, and hardships this year, it might feel completely impossible (preposterous, really!) to believe this happened FOR you. That's totally o.k.!
In 2020 I actually had two words: Joy & Ease. They anchored me throughout the entire year prompting me to learn how to have fun, loosen up, relax, not work so hard on fixing things, not to get so worked up, judge less. To find joy in the everyday.
Then Covid hit, the lockdowns happened, online school, everybody home, and still somehow, miraculously, at the end of 2020, it felt like I did indeed embody these words. I felt joy waking up each day, I am going towards a vision I have finally (!) allowed myself to follow, and it doesn't come from a place of harrowed urgency but from a place of ease and trust. Don't get me wrong, it's been and will continue to be a process and there are days when I fall off, get busy, try to push or force matters, but now I can actually catch myself. I am grateful for the tools I have to get myself back on track.
For 2021, my word is: Surrender.
To me, that means letting go. Trust. To listen to my intuition and to learn how to dance with fear. That's very different then to surrender to fear. With my coach, we talked about my fear. I am not afraid to climb up high, balance over a floating beam that's 50ft in the air, ski down a steep slope, or even bungee jump. Yes, it's the fluttering feeling of excitement and the little voice of fear that peeps: "what if this goes wrong...?" But I also know that I'm harnessed in, that there's a safety net or I have skills to rely on. I can do that type of fear.
What is REALLY scary for me is to come out of hiding: to say freely what I want to say, to speak up, verbalize expectations, set boundaries, speak my truth. How much the inability to speak up has hurt me, ruined relationships, or dragged me through hell, you may never know, or, maybe you know all too well yourself.
In my next post, I'll share my process of finding YOUR word the year.
May 2021 be fulfilled, joyous, and easy for you and your family.